Relationship advice: A bad past can ruin a future relationship. Women are often more concerned about security, and this is the reason why, more often than not, they ask the question: “what do you do for a living?”
They want to know about her history. If it is bad, then a potential relationship will die soon after that discovery. What people say about you in your environment, be it true or false, matters. Never downplay it. Ask yourself, how come no-one loves me in this environment?
But for men, they are more concerned about a woman’s background.
Why is it that almost anyone who seem to show any interest in me disappears before we even get to a month in a relationship? Why is it that no-one has ever tried to be serious with me in this environment? How come everyone comes with an experimental mind-set to this relationship?
I discovered this when I moved to Chadcombe. I saw this girl that I thought was cool. I eventually got her number and started visiting her. The other day I was going to the shops when I met two teen boys. After greeting me, one of them asked, “We know you, you are always with Jane. Is she your girlfriend?”
I told them we were just friends. “We are glad that you are just friends because that girl is a bad girl and you look like a good guy.”
Considering how I was falling for her, this really hit me hard. Then one of them then added, “Maybe she has changed but she has dated almost everyone in this neighbourhood. If you want more information, we can tell you everything.”
If you were me, what would you have done?
These were just teenagers talking; if it were someone older I would suspect that person to be jealousy.
I then decided to cross-check the information with my landlord’s son. His first words were, “ooh, you are asking about Jane, that girl who was caught with John some time back in her mother’s bedroom? I hope you don’t want anything serious with her?”
I was heartbroken and every feeling I had about her simply evaporated.
But I wondered if Jane knew what people say about her. How many people before me were stopped from dating her because of what she did in the past? qas Even after me, how many more boys were warned against falling in love with her? What if Jane had reformed but her neighbours were still judging her based on her past?
Maybe Jane didn’t even know why men quickly lost interest in her. She might have thought her misfortunes were spiritual, when, in fact, it was her environment that kept a record of her past. There are many people like Jane in different neighbourhoods. Whoever shows interest is quickly reminded by the eyes of the community of her past.
If you have been single for a long time and you see there is no-one showing interest in you, there might be a chance that people say bad things about you. Or if you see that your lover(s) lose interest in you quickly, even though you might not have done anything wrong, check your past settings.
Let us look at the solutions. If you have been in the same place for a long time and you seem not to attract any new love, simply change the environment. Go somewhere where you are unknown. You will realise that people always pay attention to new arrivals.
As people show an interest in you, make sure you change your habits. Don’t keep repeating the same mistakes. If you were known for double-crossing men, make sure you choose one person in your new area. You can find out what people say about you in your area by asking around.
Even Jesus once asked, “Who do people say I am?” He wanted to be known as Christ but some said, “You are John the Baptist,” and others said he was Elijah. If you were known as that guy who is CV-less, who roams the streets and smokes dagga, change that.
Maybe they used to call you a rascal, which made all women to say “no” to you. Then don’t be too available in the streets of your new area. Be productive so that people will see you as a valuable person and you will be loved by the best.
As well, don’t overdo the being nice part. I recently warned a new girl in my neighbourhood for I had realised that she was entertaining everyone, giving everyone her number.
I warned her, “You are getting attention because you are new, soon you will fade. As you are getting attention, choose the best guy among them.” Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach and can be contacted on [email protected]
Source – The Sunday News
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